I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
