Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
