So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
