I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
