She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You made out with two different species that night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
