she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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