The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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