distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize