Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
