yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
