I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
