you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
