just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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