I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
