I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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