i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
