I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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