you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
