I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
