he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
