YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
