why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
