Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
