i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
