So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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