This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
