i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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