This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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