A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
