is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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