I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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