saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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