Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
