She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize