Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
