Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
