So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize