You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
