She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
They have beer where we have blood.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
