I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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