You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize