how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
