I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There's always time for handjobs
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
