What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
