idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We're too hungover to prance.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
