she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
