Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
There's even glitter on my cock...
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