Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
