Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
