Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
