so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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