I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
