Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
