if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
