Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
