I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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