I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
