I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
