benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
