how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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