Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
