Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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