Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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