yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
