she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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