I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
