dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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