Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize