Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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