so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
