this just has baby written all over it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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