i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
