im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
