I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
