Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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