So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
