onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
