He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
kristin has been a bad kristin
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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