this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
