Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
