Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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