Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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