it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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