I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
