he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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