We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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