Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
