I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
