Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
