I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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