I wish I only lived at night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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