Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize