i'm signing you up for texting rehab
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
