Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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