Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
