I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize