I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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