If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
