just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize