yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize