oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
