Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
