So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
