Yo dont text me then not text me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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