Sry I called you an 8
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
