He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
