So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
