a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
