All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
