bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
