K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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