Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ugly people sure do ruin things
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I lost the right to judge tonight
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
