the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
there is puke in my bra ... again
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